


Blue Devils

by SerendipitousSong



Series: Death Comes [2]
Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Blue Devils mean Sad Thoughts/Feelings, Family Issues, Grumpy Uncle Ratchet, Jealousy, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Nervous Habits, Relationship Advice, Saudade, Social Anxiety, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, meloncholy, problem solving
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerendipitousSong/pseuds/SerendipitousSong
Summary: Autobot Outpost Omega-1 is icy cold. Icy cold in the middle of a red, red desert and Miko can only take so much before she falls apart too.Aka: Raf, Miko, and Bee are the Sunshine Squad, Ratchet is the children's uncle, Jack likes to buy random things, and Raf just REALLY misses his sister.





	1. He Means Well

**Author's Note:**

> Typos will be fixed, never fear

All Miko could hear was the usual click-clicking of someone at the main console, the creak of the old pipes, and Raf talking to his sister on the phone. It was pleasant, just lounging on the ugly plaid divan and listening. A little peace and quiet.

"Yeah, its been a while.... Mom's saving up for one, too. She hates the one we have now, wants one of the fancy ones... Huh? Really? That's..... Yeah that's really eerie.... What!? Eerie _is_ a normal part of my vocabulary.... No I don't!"

Raf and his sister were close, Miko could tell. They'd only been associating for a couple weeks, but she had noticed every time he called the mystical "Lisa" he laughed more than he ever did.

"Yeah well... You're a nerdier nerd!"

And they argued over the most ridiculous things.

"I learned to be a nerd from _you_!"

Whoever was at the main console gave a soft ex-vent, something Miko had learned was a 'bot holding in laughter. She finally chanced a glance to see who it was. Ah, it was Bee. And his shoulders were shaking.

"Hey! I'm gonna tell Mama you said that!"

Bee gave a soft chirrup through his broken vocalizer, and Raf finally realized his voice had been rising steadily into a shout. He brought his voice back down to an acceptable volume.

"Sure. Yeah, I'll tell her.... Okay.... Okay... _Okay_. Love you too, Lisa. Okay bye."

Raf hung up and set his phone on his lap. Though he tried to keep a straight face, his lip was twitching and his eyes were full of mirth. Miko stared right back with a Cheshire grin.

"Which came first, huh? The nerdy chicken or the nerdy egg baby brother?" He rolled his eyes at her comment.

"She is! Who studies engineering, and theoretical astrophysics, _and_ the effects of theoretical astrophysics of the human body, _on purpose?!_ " Raf took a breath, then continued. "What even is," and here Raf made quote fingers, " _theoretical astrophysics?_ "

"It sounds like your sister is an intelligent woman," Ratchet interjected. He strode into the main hangar with a _clunk-clunk_ of his pedes.

"Sounds like she's a huge nerd," muttered Miko.

Ratchet came up behind Bumblebee and placed a servo on the young Cybertronian's shoulder. "It also sounds like she is doing some important research, possibly in order to develop spacecraft, or even spacesuits, which will better prevent the human body from succumbing to the vacuum of space."

Bee nodded at his statement and gave another good natured chirrup.

"Exactly, Bumblebee."

Miko watched Raf during Ratchet's explanation. The youngest member of the team stared at his phone in thought. Then he sighed and removes his glasses, wiping the lenses on his sweater vest.

"Yeah, I guess."

Miko frowned. "What's up Raf?"

The boy didn't speak until he was finished wiping his glasses. "Just really miss her."

Miko sighed too. "Yeah, I know the feeling. I can't imagine how my parents feel. They're probably so used to me jumping around, making noise. All that." She moved to sit next to Rafael on the floor, and took his hand in hers. "Look at me."

Raf lifted his head and the two connected eyes.

"Lean in."

Raf's pupils shrunk a bit. "Uh... what?"

Miko just grinned abit and leaned close to his face. "Humor me, kid."

"Uhm, alright?" Raf leaned in just the tiniest bit. Miko watched his eyes wander, from her left, to her right, then down, them right back up again in a panic. "S-sorry."

Miko giggled. "Take my hand." Raf did so hesitantly, still avoiding her eyes. "I have some advice for you, friend."

At this, Raf's did connect, and he reeled back at the mischievous glint in Miko's stare. "I'm afraid."

Miko's loud laugh startled Ratchet, who whipped around to scold her. Before he could, though, Miko replied, "Wow, Raf! I'm offended!"

At the console, the Autobot medic glared at the boisterous girl.

"Miko!" he belted, "I can't focus on this security diagnostic with sudden noises like that!"

Miko would not be cowed, not when Raf was shaking with held in laughter like Bee had been earlier. Raf, on the other hand, raised a placating hand.

"Sorry! Sorry, Ratchet!"

Doc Bot rolled his eyes and returned to his fine tuning of the security systems. "Your apologies are accepted. Just try to be as silent as human children can manage."

"Can do Doc!"

"Yes, Ratchet."

_"Chrrrrr!"_

Bumblebee had returned from wherever he'd gone to after being relieved of monitor duty. The yellow Autobot was shorter than the platform Miko and Raf inhabited, so he looked around for spare energon cubes to stack.

Curious, Miko scampered to the railing and watched.

Bumblebee located some cubes, giving a triumphant bleep that Ratchet snorted at. The scout picked one up and kicked the other all the way back to the platform. No doubt the noises were interfering with Ratchet's diagnostic, but the medic said nothing, only twitched with each _CLANG_.

Eventually, though, the interference became too much.

"Bumblebee!"

_"Beep?"_

"Please," Ratchet glared at Bee, and then at Miko and Raf. "Twenty Earth minutes. Just twenty Earth minutes of peace, if not quiet. This scan is sensitive to sudden noises within the base as it goes through each equipped security measure," the 'bot gestured around the main hangar, "every camera, every motion sensor, and every single emergency floodlight."

Raf dropped a bit at being reprimanded, though he had been very quiet. Miko had to mention it.

"At least don't be mad at Raf, Doc Bot," she whispered. Bee nodded, and they turned away to converse quietly.

They didn't catch Ratchet's own drooping shoulders.

 

 

Later, after quietly backing out of the hangar and off to the training area, Miko, Raf, and Bumblebee watched recordings of skateboarding teens. About fifteen minutes in they realized that Bee had never seen skateboarding before, and Miko gladly explained the basics.

"And you can see right here they shift their weight in order to keep balance. If they don't, then _wham! bam!_ , thank you ma'am! Out like a light!" Miko's explanation was littered with wild arm waving.

 _"Boop bleep?"_ Bee asked.

Rafael translated. "He asked if you skateboard too."

Miko laughed softly. "No, well, not anymore. It was funner in Tokyo. Here, no one really does." She shrugged, giving a half smile. "No one's interested."

Bee and Raf also gave half smiles and shrugged.

"It's all about engineering and technical expertise and automobiles -- no offense, Bee -- and that's all fantastic if you wanna be an engineer or whatever." She said that while pointing out herself and Raf.

Miko sighed heavily. Raf did too. Bee waited for her to finish.

And now all Miko heard was the creaking of the pipes, and Bee's eyes -- optics -- whirring as he focused in on her.

"Just not so fun if you wanna, you know. _Hang out._ " Miko sat back on her bottom.

Bumblebee bleeped and blooped, gesticulating to himself and the children. Raf brightened up.

"He's saying we should take a drive. So we can, you know. Hang out." The tween's face was lit like a Christmas tree. "C'mon Miko!"

_"Bleep bleep blip! Zoooooop!"_

"Wow, are you sure, Bee?"

_"Blip!"_

"What'd he say, Raf?" Miko felt the excitement building in her as she watched her friends smile.

"Bee offered to take us offroading too!"

Miko considered the yellow Autobot in front of her. He was raising his optic ridges in wait, holding out a servo to illustrate the offer. Usually she'd go with Bulkhead, but with half the team outside the base doing the outside security patrols, and Ratchet being grumpy inside, she found herself in a very boring spot.

But now, here Bee was, just as itchy as her, and apparently so was Raf. They could ditch the old medic for a couple hours, while the sun was still out.

_"Zoop?"_

"Whada'ya say, he asked," translated Raf.

The Japanese girl smiled a happy smile. "Sounds awesome."

 

 

"Zoop?"

_"Whada'ya say, he asked," translated Raf._

_The Japanese girl smiled a happy smile. "Sounds awesome."_

In the main hangar, which doubled as surveillance, Ratchet worked on the sound systems while trying not to listen to the children's melancholy conversation.

Under the yellow floodlights far above his helm, standing in the middle of the largest hangar of the base, Ratchet found himself to be somewhat lonely.

Granted, he'd requested the team members who remained to give him some peace. Now the base was dead quiet except for the creaking pipes, the sparking lights, and the blips coming from the monitor as he finished up his security diagnostic.

Wait. Sparking lights?

"I suppose I'll add that to the list of Things to Fix. Along with my broken spark weld," he added in a grumble. "Thanks, Bulkhead."

The list was never empty. The base, however, often was empty whenever his left optic began twitching. Patrols, exercise, and now the children, all as excuses to be outside the radius of his wrath. And usually it worked. Only, now, there are more than just Autobots to think about. Now, there were young children who were pouncing, lively little things and raised his ire without meaning to. No doubt he was thought of as the "Grumpy Medic" who ruined their fun.

Ratchet would take it to his grave, but he knew in his spark the human children were the _"heart and soul"_ of the team now. He was loathe to snap at them, loathe to reprimand, and he greatly disliked downcast eyes.

But this was an important systems run.

They needed this.

The lights flickered, and he heaved a great big ex-vent.

"Primus five me strength."

_"Optimus to base."_

The sudden boom of Optimus' voice through the speakers made Ratchet nearly jump out if his plating.

"Primus give me patience, too!" he yelled. Turning down the volume, he typed and talked. "Base to Optimus, what have you found?"

There was soft mirth in his old friend's voice. _"Nothing in the northern most sector, Ratchet. No trace of any recent Decepticon activity."_

The old medic felt relief lift a weight off his shoulders. "Fantastic. It's all clear here on base, systems are running--" he glanced up at the lights. "Fairly well."

_"Has anyone else reported in yet?"_

Ratchet shook his helm, then realized Optimus couldn't see him. "Er, yes, only Arcee. She took the west and southwest sectors, and Bulkhead took south, southeast, and eastern."

 _And the children have successfully tested both the sound detecting devices and my patience_ , he didn't add.

_"Very well. I will patrol the northeastern borders, as well as the outskirts of Jasper."_

"Noted, Optimus. I will relay that to the team."

_"Oprimus out."_

Ratchet heaved another ex-vent, clearing out residual dust from the desert landscape around the base. It always found a way into everything. His vents, the team's vents, the control panels, the lights, even the children's food areas high off the ground.

"Add a thorough dusting to my Fix List." Then, Ratchet realized that Bee, Raf, and Miko hadn't showed up to leave the base for their offroad drive.

He paused his movements across the panel and listened. _There_. Soft whirring.

He snorted. "Come out, little bugs."

There was silence, and then snickering that sounded a bit like his own snorting. Clunky footsteps of a Cybertronian approached from behind the Autobot medic, and his hackles rose as a learned response. He almost heard a whispered, "Told you he can tell" but he ignored it in favor of logging in the data he'd acquired.

"Doc Bot?"

"Yes, Miko?"

A pause. Then--

"Wanna go for a drive when you're done here?"

Right then, Ratchet knew he couldn't say no. Not to Miko, of all the humans on this green, organic planet, sounding so timid and hesitant. Like she thought he'd snap at them again. Or worse, say no.

For the third time in half an Earth hour, he ex-vented loudly.

"I suppose, little bug."

And when he turned to face them, the children's giant grins and Bee's excited bouncing made him smile.

"Yay!"

"Awesome!"

_"Vroop!"_

Before the trio could step away, Ratchet grasped Bee's arm where Miko resided. "By the way, Miko. It's _more fun_ , not _funner._ " Her laugh didn't interfere with anything this time.

And when they turned away to wait -- quietly, he'd add -- standing on the two energon cubes Bee had stacked an hour ago, they didn't catch the lift of the old Autobot's shoulders.


	2. You Are My... My Only...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos will be fixed, never fear
> 
> Also, f-- proper timeline. What's that? A timeline? Episodes? What is that? Lol, idk.

Once, when Jack was very young, his mother was crying in the living room. Not the heartbroken sobbing kind, or the angry tears that practically steam off your cheeks. Just crying. He couldn't tell the difference between sad crying and crying in relief yet.

There she sat, alone in the living room until Jack toddled up next to her and placed a hand on her knee.

"Mama," he whispered.

His mother lifted her head from her hands and stared at him with wide eyes are a few moments. Their eyes were the same, he remembered, but her face was smooth and lineless then.

He kept saying that, "Mama," over and over, and she kept staring at him like she was surprised he was there, touching her, talking.

The last part of the memory is his own legs giving out because they are almost too young to be walking, and his mother swiftly catching him with a small smile. He's in her arms, but he can't remember actually seeing the room spinning. Jack just knows that his Mama isn't crying anymore. She's holding him and spinning around the old apartment.

The first words he remembers her saying are from a later memory, when he can run and avoid her spankings, make mischief, and yell "NO!" Always, she was a mute goddess with light behind her head and sad, sad blue eyes. But this time, she came with a voice.

"Jack Jack!"

A voice that sounds like the color lavender and feels like fleece during a chilly night.

"Jack, silly boy!"

All the names except his real name, nicknames, floating across his field of vision. Some are similar to Jack, and some are utterly ridiculous.

"My little Jackrabbit. My blue eyed monkey boy. My sunshine."

And Jack always knew just by looking at her face, he really was her sunshine. Because what else can make her so warm to the touch, so soft like she was melted butter? What else could make her go from a drooping, sad, crying mother to a smiling, dancing, pancake flipping Mama?

"Jack."

And now he can answer. He's been walking for over a decade, been talking for fourteen years. His legs can hold him upright, and they can even help hold up his mom if she needs it. Jack can stand on his own now.

"Yes?"

He was on his way out the door. She was abnormally late, but sometimes that happened around this time of year. It will be exactly fifteen years from the day he stopped his mother from crying on the couch that day.

They've come a long way since then.

"Jack..."

"...yes?"

He watches his mother hesitate. She's biting her lip, watching him with the same observant blue eyes, still a little sad.

"You're my sunshine."

Jack smiles a great big smile. She doesn't say that much anymore. But he loves that name. Because sunshine is everything. It grows, it warms, it tells the time of year...

What is life without sunshine?

Jack turned back inside and pulled his mother into a hug. "I love you too."

And he's gone without another word.

It's that day when he meets the Autobots. The blue one, Arcee, corners him at school, in an alleyway, and somehow convinces him to come along. There is an earnest look in her eyes. Sad, sad blue eyes that plead while her voice demands.

So he goes. He agrees to be taken and briefed on his new status as "In the wrong place at the wrong time," a witness who has seen too much. Besides, he's always wanted to own a motorcycle. Now his dream is coming true about ten years in advance.

The ride is eventful. Especially with the girl Miko screaming how awesome everything is, pointing out sparse foliage brave enough to grow in the harsh sunlight. Prickly cacti, bare bushes with stiff hard branches, and lots of red desert. Brave little plants thriving in an otherwise barren wasteland.

Jack settles in his seat. His comfort lasts only a few seconds before seeing the enormous rock formation speeding toward them.

"Aaaahhhhhh!!"

"Wooohoooo!!"

They scream simultaneously with different meaning.

The side opens up, rock folding upon rock. Jack can't help but think of a folding screen as the trio roll into the main hangar area.

It's huge. Even for giant sentient mechformer standards.

To the right, a mech is standing by a control panel bigger than Jack's own bedroom floor, typing away with its back to them.

Getting off Arcee, he spies that younger kid -- Raf -- hopping out of the yellow car from before. The boy connects eyes with him and waves. His hands are shaking.

"Jack." Raf pulls off his glasses and wipes them on his sweater vest.

"Hey Raf." Jack tries to ignore the clunky footsteps getting closer and closer behind them. There's a long hallway in that direction, but this hangar is big enough to focus on for now.

One thing at a time.

Unfortunately, these mechformers have other ideas.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

They whip around to find the giant footsteps have stopped right behind them.

He's huge too.

"We are autonomous robotic organisms, also known as Autobots."

This "Autobot" stands tall even before tiny humans, and Jack can tell by the green one's expression, the rushed info dump, and the overall stilted mannerisms of every 'bot, that they have no idea how to behave around humans.

Arcee seems to be the only Autobot comfortable around him, Miko, and Raf. She makes eye contact like she has known them her while life. She slouches in a familiar, open manner. She laughs a bit at Miko giving Bulkhead a hard time.

Of course though, when it comes down to it, she tries to shove his care onto another of the mechformers.

And here he thought she was perfect.

Jack wants to befriend her but everything is too crazy, to rushed. A war? A war spanning millions of years? How long have the Autobots been hiding twenty miles from Jasper? How long have the Decepticons been lurking above the earth?

Nothing makes sense here.

* * *

Being driven home with Arcee is a quiet affair. Jack offers no questions, and Arcee offers no answers. But when she transforms inside his garage, he sees those sad, sad blue eyes again, watching him. He remembers his mother crying in the living room fifteen years ago.

"Hey, Arcee?" He hesitates, not sure if he cam bring himself to say it. "I just wanted to say..."

Arcee remains silent and still, watching him as she always does.

"I'm really sorry for your loss." Because he doesn't know for himself, but he loves someone very dearly who understands exactly how this blue 'bot must be feeling.

"What could you possibly know about loss?" she shoots back at him.

"What? As if you're the only one with provlems?" Jack was expecting some level of hostility. It still never quite prepares him for the real thing.

"I'm pretty sure girl problems don't count!" And she transforms back into her vehicle form, effectively closing the conversation on her end.

Jack can't believe he was shut down that way. "My girl problems," he raged, "started the day I met you!"

Just then, headlights flash across the back wall of the garage.

"Jack Jack," his mother cries. "I was calling you but I got directed to your voicemail." She climbed out of her dinky old car. "Where were you? It's half past ten, Jack!"

"Mom--"

"What were you doing?"

"I was with--"

"What is this?!"

Jack's mother pulled her stuff out of the passenger side and thrust it at her son. Jack could only wince helplessly as she gently prodded st the strange blue cycle with a foot.

"Jackson! How much did this cost? Where did you even get it?"

The headlight flickered like an eye twitching. Jack understood.

"H-her. She's a she, Mom. And," Jack juggled the purse, gym bag, and files carefully. "And she's my partner in crime."

His mother raised an eyebrow. "Partner in crime? Already chosen a name or what?"

Flicker flicker.

"Uhm, yes. Her name is Arcee."

A soft sigh. "Jack..."

"...yes?"

She went from pancake flipping dance mom to timid on-the-brink-of-a-breakdown in three point five.

"Yes, Mama?"

Another sigh, and then she is smiling again, giving him a playful, sassy look. "Well now you have a better use for that scrapheap you call a bike helmet," she laughed, picking up said helmet.

Jack felt embarrassment rise in his neck  
 "Ugh, I worked very hard doing the research to make that thing!"

"Yes and you'll wear it every time you ride!" She ran her palms over the supple leather of the seat.

"And maybe, give me a ride too? One of these days?"

Jack can see it. As his mother enters the house, and he's left to keep juggling her stuff, he can see her as a young girl his age. Friends, parties, drinks, and riding beautiful motorcycles with her hair in the wind.

Silence pervades in the dim garage. He's still staring the the door thinking about how broken he'd be if someone left him right now.

All Jack can hear is his mother disturbing things in the house, lights turning on, and Arcee's soft ventilations. A little peace after a long, nonsensical day.

"Jack?"

He nearly flies sky high.

"You're a good kid."

He thinks about ignoring the 'bot for a moment, but he has the same eyes as his mother, and as Arcee. Sad, sad blue eyes full of what if's.

"Thanks, I guess. Goodnight."

"Night, kid. See you in the morning."

Right before he goes inside, she whispers, "Don't forget your helmet."

* * *

They've been partners in crime for a year and a half now. The two have been through the most frightening, raddest, most amazing missions together.

Arcee and Jack, have each others back.

They thank Wheeljack for the jingle and use it for even minor things.

Picking up June? Stocking the base fridge? Decorating for Christmas? Arcee and Jack, have each others back.

They also notice Wheeljack's tendency to call others "Sunshine." An uncanny parallel to his mother's familiar nickname for him, as Wheeljack only ever called Miko, Bulkhead, and Ratchet by that name.

The whole base laughs silently one day when Ratchet has enough of the names, and he grouchily corrects the old Wrecker with a wave of his spanking new spark weld.

"And it's Doctor Sunshine to you, Wheeljack."

"Whatever you say, Sunshine."

With the losses he's suffered in his long, long life time, it's no wonder a Wrecker would crave some sunshine of his own.

Jack thinks he can relate. At least, his mother can.

"It's nice," his mother said one day. "I could always count in getting home to see the brightest smile on my little boys face."

Jack sat back against Arcee's vehicle form. A red, red sunset burned on the horizon west of the base.

"That's the thing about family. They nurture you. I think I learned just as much from you as you learned from me, and how beautiful is that?"

Jack nodded. "Okay Mom."

Arcee shifted and disturbed his balance.

"Jackson Darby, there has to be more to say to that than okay."

June just laughed. "That's alright, he's still a kid. He doesn't know yet."

Transformation sounds clang in the dimming sunlight. Jack thinks back to a broken, weeping mother and an angry, bitter motorcycle. There were so many pairs of sad, sad blue eyes around then but now, they've all had time to grow. He tried his best to be the healing they need. And like brave plants in a barren desert, they grew up strong and hardy.

They've come a long way since then.

"Keep being the best you you can be."

"And here I thought you'd make some metaphor about being the sunshine plants need," he sassed.

Arcee flicks his head. "Imp."

"Love you too, Arcee."

The blue cycle turned back to the sunset with a happy grin.

* * *

It's obviously a dream. It still hurts.

It's twenty years later, and his mother is gone in an accident. A completely  normal, not-related-to-Decepticons-in-any-way kind of motor accident between her dinky car and a dinky pickup. The pickup won.

He'd known loss before, but now he knew.

He was crying on that ugly plaid divan in the spanking new base with spanking new tech but no mother. Then there was a large digit on his knee and he looked up to blue optics with pink rings around them.

"It's alright Sunshine."

He stared at her in shock because somehow, it was so surreal to see it for himself. Everything had fallen apart but here she was like always. He stared and stared while she talked to him, soothed him, and reminded him of dance offs in the kitchen.

Jack really thought about it, in detail, who exactly this person was. An alien life form from far away, who just won a battle twenty years ago and stuck around instead of going home because of him, because she cares, because of all the breathtaking scenery, the first experience with snow, the lame jokes, his first girlfriend, going to college, staying up watching the sun rise, the teasing, the tears, and now...

The loss.

Because he's been drooping for so long, standing on his own two feet since he was an infant, carrying and helping people. He never ran away. Not even from a war that was his to leave behind.

"Time to be a brave plant, kid."

Arcee gets it.

"I miss her voice. It sounded like family."

It's a childish statement but it encompasses everything he's ever felt about his mother.

"C'mon. Miko is guest speaker for Class of 2034. MIT can't wait forever."

He can't move. His mom had pulled major strings within the government to get him into MIT. Being level three security clearance helped.

"Jack."

"Yes Ma-- er, 'Cee?"

Ratchet'll be there too. Miko wouldn't let the old medic get out of being present, and the medic was even softer in spark now when he got a look at her playing with the children.

"Jack," Arcee sighed, "Miko needs you. You're kids are brats, partner. Gotta go, you know, hang out."

* * *

Jack abruptly wakes up from that nightmare with his sheets stuck to his sweat slicked body.

Moonlight is flowing through the window like molten silver. His old helmet, handmade and built to withstand a direct impact after flying at sixty miles an hour, is on his desk facing him. The visor glints viciously. He could swear it looked broken for a moment.

Then flashing lights outside window grab his attention to the window. Of course it's Arcee, who else? She's as ever present as his mother.

The boy is surprised by his question. "Can't sleep?"

"Nope, let's drive."

"I'm down." He grabs his phone and wallet.

They are in the next town over when she opens up first.

"I was so afraid today, Jack. I thought..." Arcee speeds up a little to pass a slow grandma in the passing lane. "I thought..."

"Thought my first trip to New York would be safer, huh? Me too." Jack can understand, he thinks, because he literally cannot imagine ever losing his partner.

They drive for a while longer, passing through another tiny town. She obviously has more to say so he waits.

"For the longest time after meeting you, I couldn't look at you because you are just like Tailgate. The way you talk, your attitude, your way of moving. Sometimes when you yell, I could swear I'm hearing Tailgate's voice." Arcee pulled into a parking lot and Jack hopped off. "I just can't lose you too, Jack. You need--"

"--to be careful. I know Arcee."

"Do you?" She leaned left a bit. "Do you really understand, Jack? Because it seems like you actually don't."

The teen rolled his eyes, praying for a little patience. "'Cee, please--"

His partner wasn't having any of it tonight. "No, you please, Jack. We're your family! We love you, we want to watch you thrive, and we get scared when you throw yourself out to the wolves like this! That's what family is for, Jack!"

She came close to saying it that time. Not quite, but he was placated. "I love you too, partner. But I wont stop saving people."

"You hit a 'con with a train!"

"You hit cons with your fists, what the difference?"

Arcee transforms and gets right in Jack's face. "The difference is that you could be killed! They could kidnap you and use you as leverage!"

"They can do the same to you!" Jack stepped back and rubbed his face with a palm. "Okay, the thing is, we are both in danger. All the time. No matter what we do, just by leaving the base we are always putting ourselves at risk. Heck, even on-base there's risks, because what if the Decepticons figure out where we hide? What if Raf's laptop is tracked? What if Miko accidentally posts a picture of Bulk on twitter? What if, what if, what if, and what is asking all those questions doing for us? For you?" As he spoke, Arcee's anger seeped out of her face, and she relaxed her agitated stance.

"What if's make it worse. The facts are that I'm in danger just by knowing you, partner. Mom as well. It's too late to fix now so we should just take it one day at a time."

Arcee sat back against the building's side. It was graffit'd like nobody's business and the image if his best friend hunched over, looking like she was about to cry burned itself into his memories forever.

He continued his tirade. "That's what family is for Arcee. We get scared, we argue, and we ignore each other. But we also... have each others back."

They stayed like that, Jack standing, Arcee seated, and stared at each other. She was wearing that look of shock that was now so familiar in his thoughts. As broken and often incomplete his train of thought could be, on that one stare he could count. She reached out like his mother did sometimes, checking to see if he was real, only Arcee didn't just touch his face. She pulled him close to her and scrunched down farther, no doubt uncomfortably, for a hug. It felt like yellow roses in his heart.

"You're a new beginning for me, Jack."

"I love you too."

She lets him go and transforms back into vehicle mode. Jack decided to explore this new town. He'd lived in Jasper his whole life yet had never visited the surrounding areas.

* * *

Darkstone, it was called. A parody to a Black Rock City. There were posters in one store's window for last year's "Burning Man", offering supplies before travelling through the desert.

Tourists, he scoffed. Can't get by without a little water?

Counterculture sounded like something his partner would like. Maybe convince her to let him detail her finish with other metallics, and then build his own plating suit. What a pair they'd be, and no one would look twice if he showed up with a giant talking robot. Engineering student, he'd say, and I want to show the masses where the Feds can't get her.

Arcee would love that. She likes being called pretty, likes being showered with affection. She'd love it.

Fishing out his phone from the waist and of his pajamas, he dialed ip her personal comm.

"What's shakin' bacon?"

There was a thrift store open here.

"Not much, I found something you'd like. Ever heard of the Burning Man?"

Her end was silent while she looked it up via her mental processor unit. "Uh, I have now. It looks really fun."

"Great, cuz we're going next year."

"How? Am I gonna pull a trailer of supplies? I'm not a pickup, Jack, I'm a bike."

"Maybe Bulk and Miko will go too?"

Seems like she's thinking. "Mmm. Yeah, Bulkhead's definitely strong enough to haul supplies. What about Raf and Bee? They want in on the action too, won't they?"

He takes a flyer and folds it in half, turning into that thrift store. "Maybe but I don't think Raf's parents will be on board with us taking him into the desert for a week where there is most likely going to be some nudity."

"True."

"It could just be us, like, you, Mom, and I. Having some wild family time."

She pauses for so long Jack has time to pick out a leather jacket for himself. Its the most eighties piece of work he's ever seen.

"One week of isolation. What about the 'cons, what if they try something?"

On the back there's some incredible needlework stitching in the shape of an eagle. The sun is shining from behind. Jack knows it's his now.

"Then we either miss out forever, or we chance it." Ooh, there's spikes in the shoulders. Perfect. "We could always bring everyone, just in case." There are chains and multiple zipper pockets, even in the inside.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Hurry up, your mom is going to be up soon."

He scans the women's section. Maybe there's another to match? "Will do, partner."

"Arcee out."

The man behind the counter doesn't even pay attention as Jack discreetly slips a knick knack into his pajamas. Then, he searches for a leather jacket that would fit a slim frame.

There! Its right there!

And its beautiful.

Soft, black leather with similar stitchwork on the back, only this time it's a yellow rose. Rays of sunlight radiate from behind, just like in his eagle, and the shoulders have studs instead of spikes. The chains are finer, pockets more plentiful.

His mom with love it.

"And maybe, give me a ride too? One of these days?"

"You'll have the time of your life next August, Mama."

Jack moves to the front when he sees another beautiful thing. A red model Cadillac. With a set of horns on the hood.

He can't just leave it there. So he buys that too. Thank goodness he brought his wallet.

At the counter, Jack decides against stealing the knick knack. He pulls its out of his waistband and places it with all his purchases. A digital clock tells the time is three fourteen. They have two hours to make it home before his mother woke up.

His phone vibrates.

"Jack. What's u--"

"Jack Jack?"

"Mom?"

She sighs. "Again, Jack?"

We couldn't sleep, we needed to talk, we are running away forever. So many reasons to choose, not enough time to speak because she barrels right on.

"Leave. A. Note. Jack. How hard is that to remember?!"

The cashier hold out his hand for payment. Jack hands him two twenties and the cashier starts making change.

"I did. It's on my door, isn't it?"

Movement, shuffling, and then--

"Oh. Its on the floor in the hall. My bad."

Jack takes his change and his purchases, heading back out to Arcee. "I'm coming home in two hours. Love y--"

"Two hours?! Jackson Darby, just where did you go tonight?"

Arcee is waiting under a lamp in the thrift store parking lot. She must've followed him through town.

"Darkstone or whatever, okay Mom, I gotta go. Love you."

"Hurry, Sunshine! I want to see you before I leave, at least!"

So many questions. "We'll speed. Bye." By then he was next to Arcee. "Love you!"

"Spee--" Click went his phone.

"Jackson Darby! Did you just hang up on your mother!?"

He held up the jacket. "Think she'll like it?"

The blue cycle's headlight flashed over the item, analyzing the stitching and the style. "Oh. Oooh. Yes. Yes she will. But you're still in trouble!"

Jack hopped on amd they began their journey back home.

"We have a lot to think about. Burning Man, safety, whatever was so disturbing you dreamed about. Enough conversation to fill up a two hour ride, huh partner?" Her tone was serious.

"Hahaha, yeah... about that. I was kinda married to Miko."

The engine stuttered. "Again!?"

Jack laughed a hearty laugh. It was a perfect night in his opinion. A drive with Arcee, new leather jackets, and a loving argument with his mom. A lovely slice of life and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be sleeping. It's 4:30ish am and I'm so very ill right now, but here I am, giving myself a headache.
> 
> How self-destructive of me.
> 
> And Jack's thought process is broken and segmented just like mine, what a nice touch. It's easier to wrote them like that but Miko doesn't fit that way, she's way too perfect for that.
> 
> I'm here instead of updating Crescendo bc I'm a walking piece of trâsh a la garbáge.
> 
> -Dip


	3. Mother and Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos will be fixed, never fear
> 
> Today we shall spy on what our "physicist" is doing.

"Things weren't supposed to be this way. It can't end like this!" She's desperate at this point. "It can't!" Buttons are being pushed but nothing happens. The systems are down, the panels have all been smashed. She's slamming her palms against broken glass and the remnants of levers. "We can save this!"

"Lisa."

"We can save this!"

"Lisa."

"Bjoca, please--"

"LISA!"

Silence.

"Lisa--"

_"No."_

"Come away, we can still escape. They haven't reached us yet."

"We can still--"

"We _can't_ still. You're delusional. You can't think straight." He sits her down on the floor, red flashing lights the only illumination. "Listen, you are losing it. The Feds are here, do you understand? _The Feds are here_ , and they are taking down everyone in their path."

She nods.

"Good. Have you seen Evangelion before?"

She nods again.

"Remember when the Geofront was being attacked by the government? And Central Dogma was being obliterated?"

More nodding. "They killed the scientists too."

"No survivors. No mercy." He has a deceptively calm look in his eyes. He's losing it too.

He stands back and crosses his arms. He expects her to leave the lab, leave her baby. Her whole livelihood, her life's work. Everything she has lived for, gone. All the research had been halted, the building of mechas, the growth of new bacteria from the glowing blue substance the labs were gifted with. Half of the stuff was unknown, and they didn't know how the grunts procured it.

They were just the scientists.

"We can still save this."

Her palms are bleeding. Profusely. There is blood all over her section's operation panel. They other scientists are dead now. Gunshots. All dead and laying around like a bunch of slackers when they should be saving her baby--

_SMACK!_

Bjoca lands a fast one on her.

" _Holy_... I just. I just." He's losing it. There is a loud BANG and now Bjoca is dead too. His last words were him nearly cursing.

"Holy... I just. I just. I just. I just." Lisa keeps repeating her best friend's last words. "Holy... holy..."

Her baby is still on the activation table. They were so close. Silas had asked, and they had delivered. Her dream to merge man with metal was complete. In this dim, underground laboratory, she had the chance to make all of her dreams become reality.

But now here she was staring at her best friend's dead body, alarms are blaring, lights flashing, gunmen surrounding her, forearms pointing at her.

"I can still fix this. I will make this happen." And in a moment of clarity, after hours of hiding and running back into her lab, she has a solid plan.

"I can still save you."

The body is unmoving on the table. The mecha she created. She is Victor Frankenstein, and this dirty, broken body in a cybercorpse is her child, her creation.

Gunmen yell at her to out her hands on her head. As lead operation manager, she is formally under arrest for treason against the United States government. Its all coming back now.

All the equipment is functional, though the panel is not. But never fear. The desperate look in her friend's eyes us burned into her soul forever, however short forever may be. She killed him. He's dead because she thought she could save this.

She damn well better save this.

The switch is so far--

"I said hands up!"

A gunshot. Pain.

"Hands up! _Now!_ "

"We have orders to shoot if you don't cooperate!"

They've already shot her though.

"Who shot her!?"

"Stand down!"

 _BANG!_ Again, and more pain.

Bjoca keeps staring at her from the floor. What a slacker.

"I said stand down!"

"Restrain her! Quick--"

 _BANG!_ The switch is so far. She can't get to it. She has let them all down. Silas. The grunts. All her nerdy scientist buddies.

Her family.

Raf.

All the nights they talked about this. Her dream of being in history books as the girl who put metal next to man. Sentient mechas, side by side along with them all.

The pain is in slow motion. Everything is. Black clad, armed figures crowed towards her, slower than an ant can crawl. Blood seeping from her hands, her chest, her side.

"I can save this."

One last summoning of strength, and she hurls the firearm in her grasp at the switch. Its dumb, but what else could she do?

Darkness closes in.

"Medic!"

"I said restrain her!"

"Shit, she going."

"We needed the information she had. The whole database has been obliterated."

Ha. Evangelion. Not quite. But still.

There's a loud click somewhere.

"Damn, girl. You really didn't want us in your research, did you? Encryption of the digital cloud, and destruction of the panels used to access it? As well as corruption of the database, and the coincidental deaths of the techies." A face is in her vision, looking around. "Shit, kid."

How is she still standing?

Oh, nevermind. She's not. She fell a long time ago.

Blood is everywhere. The panels, herself, Bjoca, the crew, and the hands on her chest staunching the flow.

"Fuck, kid."

"I can still--

"You can still nothing."

_VVVVVNNNNNNNNN._

"--save it."

Lisa can't believe it. Its dumb luck. Her gun tripped the activation switch and across the room, electricity flashes.

Blood is in her mouth now. She's choking on it. Cough cough cough. Spray spray. Hands and fingers are grappling with the gunshot wounds, plugging the holes so she can breathe. Somewhat.

_VVVNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN._

The simple diagnostic AI starts up, an independent part of the equipment itself and not the cloud.

_"ACTIVATION HAS BEEN INITIATED. PLEASE PROVIDE VALID VOICE RECOGNITION ACTIVATION CODE TO PROCEED."_

All of the gunmen turn to look at her. The alarms are still blaring all around, and the red lights are now joined by white flashing bolts across the neural-networking transmission globe. The Nugget, they had called it.

She knew the code. And they wanted to stop her.

Lisa gasped--

"Rafael."

Not a single word was uttered while they turned to point their puny guns at the mecha on the table.

_"CONFIRMATION COMPLETE. PROCEEDING WITH NEURAL TRANSMISSIONS A-001 THROUGH G-999. PLEASE STAND BACK WHILE GLOBE IS ACTIVE."_

And everything lit up like the Fourth of July, the transmission globe creating a point of light to shoot data, via re-purposed sat-comm units, into the processor of her baby. Half a lifetime was placed into those files. Brain scans, recorded verbal stories, and raw, untested code, all poured into a body wired to the dead mechformer.

Gunmen near the blast were blinded. She stared at Bjoca on the floor, at the gunshot wound he had on his own chest.

"You're insane!"

"Unnatural sciences!"

"FUCK!"

_"FIRST TRANSMISSION COMPLETE. PROCEEDING WITH NEURAL TRANSMISSIONS H-001 THROUGH Y-999. PLEASE STAND BACK WHILE GLOBE IS ACTIVE."_

Lisa can't breathe anymore. All there is is blood. Blood. Blood. Blood. Blood.

Death.

Tears.

All the stress.

All the pride she'd felt.

Blood.

Research.

Sweat.

Blood.

Gunmen shouting, accusing, threatening, shooting at the mecha, trying to stop.

"Yelton, this is Branwire! She's activated the transformer! It's--"

"--alive." Its too good not to say. She's such a nerd.

And that, she realizes, is her last word because there is only blood, sweat, and tears as she listens to the AI tell her that her baby is mentally operational.

_"ALL NEURAL TRANSMISSIONS SENT. PROCEEDING WITH--"_

She's dead before she can know for sure.

 

 

::PROCEEDING WITH NERVOUS SYSTEM DIAGNOSTIC SCAN::

::SCANNING... SCANNING... SCANNING..::

::NERVOUS SYSTEM HAS CONNECTED WITH MECHANISM. PROCEEDING WITH PHYSICAL REHABILITATION::

::LANGUAGE PROGRAMS ENG-01 THROUGH ENG-99 PREPARED FOR DOWNLOAD::

::LANGUAGE TRANSLATION PROGRAM PREPARED FOR DOWNLOAD::

::THE NEURAL-NETWORKING TRANSMISSION GLOBE HAS RECEIVED EMOTION FILES EXEC-EMO-001 THROUGH EXEC-EMO-999. PROCEEDING WITH NEURAL TRANSMISSIONS. PLEASE STAND BACK WHILE GLOBE IS ACTIVE::

::DOWNLOADING... DOWNLOADING..::

::ALL LANGUAGE PROGRAM PACKETS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED::

::PHYSICAL REHABILITATION PROGRAM HAS BEEN RECEIVED::

::PROCEEDING WITH MOVEMENT DIAGNOSTIC::

::RIGHT ARM AND EXTREMITIES::

::LEFT ARM AND EXTREMITIES::

::RIGHT LEG::

::LEFT LEG::

::LIMBS ARE FULLY FUNCTIONAL::

::THE NEURAL-NETWORKING TRANSMISSION GLOBE HAS RECEIVED SENSORY FILES PN-001 THROUGH PN-999, TST-01 THORUGH TST-99, TCH-001 THROUGH TCH-999, SND-HIFREQ-20HZ THROUGH SND-HIFREQ-20000HZ, SND-LOFREQ-01 THROUGH SND-LOFREQ-99, AND SPECIALIZED SENSORY NET FILES LABELED "SIGHT DATA". PROCEEDING WITH NEURAL TRANSMISSION. PLEASE STAND BACK WHILE GLOBE IS ACTIVE::

::DOWNLOADING... DOWNLOADING..::

::ALL NEURAL TRANSMISSIONS AND PHYSICAL REHABILITATION PROGRAMS HAVE BEEN COMPLETED. ORGANISM DESIGNATION "CHIMERA" WILL NOW PROCEED WITH AWAKENING::

"What?"

::AWAKENING COMPLETE. ORGANISM HAS BEEN FULLY INTEGRATED INTO MECHA DESIGNATION "BREAKDOWN". CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO CONTRIBUTED TO PROJECT CHIMERA::

::SIMPLE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE UNIT 777-ELOHIM NOW UNDERGOING DATABASE CORRUPTION. ALL FILES WILL BE DESTROYED. PLEASE GIVE VOCAL ACTIVATION CODE TO PROCEED::

"Ah, I see that even in death, she never failed me. Oh please, your guns do nothing to this frame."

"Activation Code L-I-S-A dash oh nine fourteen ninety dash E-S-Q-U."

::VOCAL CODE RECOGNIZED. 777-ELOHIM WILL NOW BE CORRUPTED. GOODBYE, CYLAS, AND WELCOME TO EXISTENCE::

"Thank you, Elohim." He stepped on a shooting gunman. "The perfect meld of man and machine."

His joints were a bit stiff. Easily remedied by chasing and smashing the Fed's grunts. Serves them right for storming his favorite tech's lab. Speaking of which...

Silas turned back to view his subordinate. Young, barely thirty, and very very dead. A shame, she was lovely and intelligent. He'd planned on taking her under his wing, training her up to become his second and, eventually, his successor.

But she was a different kind of crazy, he supposed. The type that had nervous breakdowns and killed people.

Such a waste.

He picked up Lisanna Esquivel's dead body and scanned the rest of the dead, black clad techs. All brilliant minds, wasted on a loose cannon like Esquivel.

"Yet here I am, prosperous due to your work, Lisa." He ran a chunky digit down the side of her face gently. "I owe much to you, my dear."

He stashed the body in a subspace pocket until he found a proper burial site. Then Silas addresses the grisly scene one last, theatric time.

"Thank you all for your dedication," he exclaimed, backing away toward the entrance, "and a lifetime of service."

Once outside, Silas entered a query into his mental processor unit. Surprisingly, another AI based off of cellular device AIs answered his query verbally while setting up text across his visual.

_"Welcome, Cylas. The nearest open field is approximately one hundred and thirty-six kilometers northeast. The native plant life consists of typical wildflowers."_

The voice was painfully familiar.

Cylas was impressed. Lisa really was before her time.

"Thank you, what is your name?"

" _I am your Cybernetic Information and Neural Networking Assistant, codenamed CINNA."_

He couldn't believe it. She had named the AI after a fictional character!? It was so typical of her.

"May I call you... Lisa?"

_"If giving me a designation is your desire,so be it, Cylas."_

He gave a rare gentle smile.

"Let's go bury you then, shall we?"

_The AI gave a laugh. "We shall, Cylas."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!! She's not a physicist!! In fact, she's not even alive anymore. Poor Raf, can't wait for y'all to see how he finds out.
> 
> I'm an awful person.


	4. Shameless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited, and needs it badly. Typos will be fixed, never fear.
> 
> Back at it again with screwing up my own timeline.

All was right in the world.

She stared at paper lanterns hanging above her bed, the yellow glow dim and somewhat romantic. The covers were warm against her skin, quilt after quilt to battle the freezing storm outside. No heater, no electricity. Just her generator and some candles, and the warm body next to her.

The lanterns flickered.

"Damn."

"Mmm?" The body next to her shifted.

"Generator's going." A muscled leg draped over her thigh. She shivered.

"I'll keep you warm." The leg tightened its grip on her and he scooted closer, wrapping an arm over her stomach. "There, better?"

"You sap."

"You nerd."

Lips printed sleepy kisses on her neck. She shivered again, the lanterns flickering more and more until--

Darkness.

The lips grew more insistent. Teeth gently brushed her skin, like the warm scratchy blankets and the biting cold. Skin on skin, and then lips on lips. It was amazing.

It was a sin, she knew. So far away from everything she'd been taught, so out there, so dreadful. This exact situation, plus the one at work? Sinful, absolutely dreadful. Her parents would be scandalized, her siblings crying out for her repentance. Her day coworkers would estrange her, fellow scientists gape and gawp.

She was a slut for science, though. She'd do anything to further her research. Everything in her life added up to this. Her baby.

"Mmm."

"What," she whispered.

"Nothing, just... they say you shouldn't sleep with your boss."

The deep voice made her shiver once again. "What if he sleeps with me?"

"Mmmmmm. Okay."

The candles flickered on, and the storm raged. Out here, in this rinky-dink town, in this rinky-dink lab, she would make her stand. No one could stand in her way. And dammit, her dreams would be realized! Nobody, but nobody, could stop her.

"Leland?"

"Hmm?"

"What happens after?"

"After, my dear?"

"Yeah, like, _after_."

"Ah. Hm. How about," and here his lips pressed against hers briefly, "we make our billions, we expand our research, and we pave the way to a new era?" Hands made their way to her cheeks, cupping with the softest of touches. "And though I am the leader of this operation, you are the creator. The one who makes it all possible."

_"Oh..."_

"Oh?"

"That's very sappy of you."

A deep warm chuckle vibrated through his chest. She nestled closer under the quilts. Legs tangled together, arms embraced, and two very different, very insane, and very delusional people waited for the sun to rise.

They did not spend the night idly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless filler chapter to tide you over.
> 
> Wow, this started out as me sobbing and writing because of stuff, and now it has plot and all that. I'm impressed, I should write when I'm depressed more often.
> 
> Juicy, ain't it? I just need some time to get over the evils I'm putting Omega-1 through. We all need to find our chill.


	5. On the Morrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos will be fixed, never fear.
> 
> I'm sorry.

Jack sat in that ugly divan, typing up an essay on Frankenstein. He loved Frankenstein. The gothic novel had so much good conversation about morality, duty, and the limits of human nature in it.

Somewhere else on tip of the rock formation, Raf and Ratchet were going over mechanics. While Raf was a great hacker and computer scientist, he was lacking in the mechanics department, and the old medic was determined to remedy that.

CLANG!

Sounded like it was going well.

CLANG CLANG!

"Woops!"

"Steady hands, little bug."

"Yup, like this?"

"Precisely!"

Jack continued typing. For the essay he had to analyze the merits of Frankenstein creating another creature to be a companion to his original creation. In Jack's opinion, humans really shouldn't play God. Nothing ever really went right with that sort of stuff.

Vibrating echoed across the open air. The ugly plaid divan had been generously moved so that he could aid Raf in his learning, but in reality he was watching their school bags.

The vibrating was coming from Raf's phone. He jumped up and ran near to their obscured workplace.

"Raf! Your phone!"

CLANG!

"Ow! Uh, can you answer it? It's Lisa, she calls around this time -- ah!"

"Delicately, Rafael! This is an engine, not some dense rock formation you can just bang on!"

Jack leaped back onto the divan with Raf's cell. "This is Jack Darby answering for Rafael."

"Hello, I am Jacob Yelton. Is Rafael Esquivel available? We have some information to pass on to him."

The voice was authoritative but not demanding. Jack glanced toward the spot where Raf was working. "May I ask who is calling?"

"A friend of Lisanna Esquivel, his older sister."

Cool tendrils of dread began to curl in the pit of his stomach. "One moment, sir," he covered the speaker with his hand. "Raf! It's some dude asking for you. Sounds important!"

"Coming!"

Jack relays this to Mr. Yelton.

The young teen scrambles away from his station on top of Omega-1, running towards Jack with such an expression of eagerness that Jack hopes this call goes well. He can't understand the dread he's feeling, though.

"Hello? Yes, I'm Rafael! I was expecting my sister, actually, is she busy? I bet she is! She was talking about some AI last time she called, and I told her about all the coding I'm doing. She seemed really... excited...."

Jack cringed as Raf's smiled fell a bit.

"What?" Raf shook his head, expression looking a bit plastic. "What do you mean by that, sir?"

Ratchet shifted so he could listen in.

All emotion was lost in Raf's next words. "An...accident." The boy crumbled and sat on his bottom. "How does that even happen in a theoretical research lab?"

As his friend listened to whatever bullshit explanation the caller gave, Jack noticed that Rafael was breathing too hard. Hyperventilating, to be precise. He mouthed the word 'inhaler' but Raf did not respond. He seemed too busy staring at one spot on the red rocks.

Ratchet had noticed too, if the widened eyes -- optics -- were anything to go by. He turned back to the whatever thing he'd been showing the young hacker and fug a finger through his bag. Jack waited impatiently, watching Raf's eyes get wider and his breathing speed up more and more. Soon he'd be passed out.

"No, no, you're wrong! That's not true! She's a normal physicist, not some shady goon doing grunt work!"

Woah. What is happening?

"A virus? But what kind? You need to be more specific, this is my sister we are talking about here!"  
   
Ratchet found inhaler and made his way across the cliff top. He offers it toward Raf but Raf doesn't take it. "So not a virus? A... an AI? That's not possible, she created that coding with an evolution inhibitor, the Elohim can't become sentient."

Now Ratchet really is listening. Jack knew they'd had conversation after conversation about the work that Lisa did. She was a jack of all trades in the engineering/computer technology world. She really could do anything. And apparently, make anything.

"Not Elohim? She only created Elohim. 777-Elohim, he was her baby. That was her greatest accomplishment. He was applicable to any program, device, and satellite. THAT IS WHAT SHE WAS DOING!"

And now Raf had stopped crying and was wide eyed, his mouth shaped into an O in shock.

Silence blankets all of them.

All Jack can hear is the venting of the medic's frame, sparking from whatever Raf was working on, and hiccups coming from a small body next to him.

It's eerie.

Raf breaks the silence though. "How dare you," it's barely a whisper, but he is nearly screaming it from the way his soft voice cracks. "How dare you say that. My sister would never lie. She'd never. Lisa is on our side."

A soft "Primus" escapes Ratchet's vocalizer. Jack can't grasp what is happening. Just what the hell is going on!?

"Does the rest of my family know?" His shoulders sag way down, and he leaned his head back against the smooth metal of the dome. "Oh man, oh man oh man oh man oh man--"

Jack rips the phone away from him, and Raf lets it go without protest.

"Okay, thanks for breaking my friend, I'm hanging up now, buh-bye!" And he does.

Raf is crying again, knees up and head hidden behind them, sobbing sobbing sobbing and Jack is torn between demanding an explanation and crying with his friend. Lisa was... Lisa was in custody? Something like that. Jack didn't even know her but his heart was in two. He couldn't imagine what Raf was feeling.

"Rafael, what has happened?" Ever the "get down to business" type, Ratchet begun his interrogation. "Is your sister alright? Has she been injured?"

"SHE'S DEAD, RATCHET!"

The scream tang out all around them, off the sides of the cliff, and into the red desert surrounding the base. It sprang from his throat unbidden, and just as soon as he had screamed, Rafael slapped a hand over his mouth, face contorting in pain at the thought. "Sh-she's gone. They said an accident at first, but that's a load of bull, Lisa doesn't make mistakes, she's..." Raf sniffles. His voice cracks. "She's perfect."

Ratchet ex-vented and Jack finally pounced on the younger boy, giving the most aggressive gentle hug he can manage.

The medic contemplates for a moment, then said, "Rafael, no being is perfect. I heard something about a software virus, and an artificial intelligence unit? Perhaps her coding was faulty within the suits she was designing. Perhaps she tested it on herself and something went wrong." He thought for a moment more. "What role did this AI, this 777-Elohim play in her project? I don't recall you ever mentioning anything about--"

"She worked for MECH," Raf blurts, and slaps a hand over his mouth again.

Ratchet stuttered to a stop. "What?"

Raf starts whimpering. "They said they discovered her double life, one as a theoretical physicist, and one as..." He gulped. "She, she was part of some operation inside MECH to adapt your biology to ours, or maybe the other way around. The Feds who called said the lab was raided, but it all went wrong and she..."

Jack can't believe what he's hearing. What the hell!? Lisa, part of MECH!? It couldn't be true!

All the stories about her, the bookworm engineering nerd, with red glasses just like Raf's. The pictured he'd shown them portrayed a gorgeous woman, the same face as Raf, same grin, with green eyes and thick brown hair. Jack could not imagine her in that black and grey getup the MECH goons wore, raging a battle against a force from another world.

Lisa was the light of Raf's life, his inspiration. He had aspired to be her, to accomplish his own dreams. His whole life revolved around Lisa. She was the person he went to for advice, with academic issues, with his secrets.

Lisa was his sunshine.

Ratchet was slack jawed. No doubt thinking the same thing, the woman he had praised and hoped Rafael would become. But she wasn't even a physicist.

She was the enemy.

Had been the enemy.

Raf dug the heel of his palm into his eyes. "Their story goes that she was using her day job as a means to get information, and then turned around and used her data on creating some super computer. The only thing they could salvage was some crude sketches of a transmission device, her personal journal, and the other crew members' belongings." He looked up at the old Autobot. "That's what they told me. Oh," and held up a finger, but he began to sob again. These tears were the horrified type, Jack knew. "And that she terminated her whole crew."

Ratchet rubbed his faceplate. "Primus, Raf. May Primus have mercy on you, little bug."

Jack had never let go of his friend. He held on for dear life, for Raf's dear life, and dialed up his mother. "Lets get you home, then, buddy."

Raf only nodded, his eyes gone from soft and sad, to betrayed, to angry, to defeated. He let himself be led down to the elevator while Ratchet watched them.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I was gonna tell her about my coding, about how I'm learning how to fix cars. I was so excited..."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Raf said nothing.

 

 

Late at night in his dark room, Raf stayed up on his laptop staring at images on the screen. Familiar images of a green eyed girl holding a tiny baby with wild hair. Green eyed girl doing homework and holding the same baby, showing his brand new eyes all the wonders of math. A green eyed girl holding a little kid, standing tall in her cap and gown, perfectly color coordinated with each other. She always had a smile, always laughed at his jokes, always helped him with his homework over the phone, always sent him data and results from her research in the mail.

They had watched movie after movie together. She had changed his pampers, bathed him. She had even dropped him off of his first day of kindergarten. She had been his mother when his mother was busy, she had practically raised him.

The next image was of Lisa, holding Raf and a kitten, but her eyes were focused on him. All her attention on her baby brother. Hector was behind Lisa giving her bunny ears. Cesar and Paola, the twins, were on the left, grabbing for the kitten. Oaxaca, they'd called the kitten, and she'd been rescued from a dump on the side of the highway running through town.

Raf stared and stared. And stared. Because this person, the one who was holding him in that photo, would never ever hold him again. She would never smile again. She would never come home, or walk around, or do research, or blink, or cry, or breathe, or yell. She could not physically do anything because she was dead. And a traitor. And dead.

When he thought about it, it all became surreal. Almost a wispy idea floating in the air above him, but not quite reality yet. She was dead. Her soul was gone. All of the laughs had come to a grinding halt, never to start up again. She was nothing now.

She was nothing.

Raf finally broke down. Truly broke down.

His big sister was nothing now. Not alive, not overseas, not in her lab, not teaching him. That's what she was. Nothing.

If she wasn't learning, teaching, reading, or researching, she was nothing.

"I research, therefore, I am."

That had been his favorite thing about her. She was just a nerd.

He scrolls through, digging for a specific memory. There. He found it.

It brought painful spasms in his chest.

Dated one year ago on August twenty-eighth. She was sitting on the bed of her truck, and he was next to her. They were wearing matching yellow t-shirts and khaki shorts.

Her shirt said "My Brother is a Nerd." His said "First Day of High School."

She had driven him to his first day of high school, when he was eleven. Well, eleven and a quarter. And now she would never drive him anywhere again.

She was dead.

She was nothing.

She was a traitor.

"Oh my God," he gasped through his sobbing. Raf curled up on his computer chair and drew up his knees, nesting his face in between them. "Oh my God oh my God oh my God--" He choked on nothing.

He choked on Lisa.

"OH GOD!" he screamed. "LISA! LISA!" He couldn't stop himself. Everything was becoming real now. He could feel it right in his chest. "PLEASE NO! OH GOD!" Painful spasms wete joined by clenching muscles as Rafael clammed up. LISA, PLEASE DON'T!"

It was useless, since she was already gone. But nonetheless he screamed and screamed and screamed for his sister. For his Lisa.

"Rafael!?" His mother's voice sounded down the hall, getting closer. It gave an ominous feeling, hearing only her voice getting closer until she slammed the door open and barreled right for him. "Oh Raf. Oh God."

Raf ignored her and kept sobbing, barely able to breathe for the pain in his chest. "M-Mom! Mama! I want her back! BRING HER BACK!"

Suddenly Raf was tackled into a hug so fierce he would think his mother wanted to crush him. It was so tight yet so gentle, so tender.

"Mijo," her voice cracked horridly, "it's going to be okay--"

The boy pushed her away. "No! No it won't be because she's gone. She's nothing. She left me!"

The issues in his chest crescendo'd into miserable numbness, like a bomb had finally exploded leaving him limp as a noodle.

His mother continues to hold him tight. "You're right. You're right. She is gone." She leaned away to look him in his tear filled eyes. "Lisa is..." she swallowed. "She's dead."

Raf nodded.

"We can't do anything for her now. We can't help her. So we must live on with each other."

Raf sniffled.

"We need to be strong. Lisa was strong. She didn't cry, she fixed. She didn't break, she powered through." His mother held him to her bosom with tenderness only a mother can achieve.

"She did not ever give up. And neither should we."

Raf sniffles again. All the sobbing had lessened, but he still had throbbing temples and an aching heart.

"Things will never, ever be the same. That's the reality. Now, we mourn, we cry, and then," she gave him a kiss. "Then, we move on. We live life to the fullest."

He closed his eyes and so, didn't notice the heavy tears rolling down her cheeks while she stared at the image on his laptop.

Raf had stopped sobbing, but nothing would ever stop the ache in his heart.

It broke a little more when she whispered, "Make her proud, Rafael."

 

 

Miko hated funerals. She'd been to some over the course if her life, what with all the earthquakes in Japan. Friends, and friends of friends, had been trapped in debris. A death underground was the stuff of horror stories to her. Things were different here though, different beliefs and traditions. Many of her fellow Japanese had been cremated.

Here, they were buried under soil.

She didn't like it very much.

In the true way of someone influenced by the military, Lisanna Esquivel had a "burn box". Inside were secrets she kept that she wanted destroyed in the event that she perished in the job. While to outsiders, her job had been in a research facility for NASA, those with the national security clearance had the truth. She was Project Manager 0, codenamed Elohim, charged with the creation of robotic life and sentient artificial intelligences.

She worked for MECH.

She was a traitor.

And all of this was inside her little box, no doubt. Raf hadn't wanted to open it for fear of tarnishing her image even more. Miko couldn't blame him.

But curiosity pecked at her mind. She'd always had poor impulse control but dammit, she would restrain herself for Raf's sake. Let the traitor keep some of her dignity. Miko couldn't care less.

For Lisa, that is. Her heart broke for Rafael.

So here she was, dressed in a borrowed black dress June had taken in for her, her boots, and her hair in a simple braid, cringing a bit as a package was lowered into the ground. No body, so they buried her most prized possessions that weren't left to Raf or the other siblings. Her old bear named Mr. Teddyblack. Her graduation gown, the cap still resting alongside her brother's. An old sketchbook full of early renderings of mechanics. And her personal journal, recovered from the lab.

An copy of it, actually. Raf had the real one back at base. He'd thrown up after opening it, as soon as he saw the handwriting.

On top of it all, laid a framed photo of Lisa. Two framed photos. On of her as an infant, all blurry and aged, the other of her right before she left, standing next to Raf in matching yellow shirts.

Miko had to look away as dirt began being scooped back into the hole. Instead, the teen focused on Bulkhead far away on the road. He'd driven them all except Raf to the service, and had been waiting since. Now all Miko wanted was to run away from watching yet another person be buried away and hide in the safe confines of her guardian. All the people made her nervous, made her want to run. All of this sadness right in front of her, tears and sobbing and curses to an evil they couldn't place. Miko really needed Bulk right now.

A hand squeezed her shoulder. Jack. He was dressed all in back, even his tie. His eyes weren't red, but they were very sad.

"C'mere."

Gathered into his arms, she began to shake. Waves of uncontrollable sadness and anxiety mixed within her, as if she could feel all the pain radiating of people like heat from a fire. It hurt. It really hurt.

It made her sad.

"It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

He should be telling that to Raf, not her. Raf was staring numbly at the filled hole while the gathering moved away.

He hadn't said a word.

He hadn't spoken since he threw up and Ratchet was running all around base asking if he was alright, if he needed to call June, where it hurt. All the young boy had said was "It doesn't," and chucked the notebook over the railing.

Miko continued to sob, not for a sister she didn't know, but for the best friend who she loved. Who loved her, she liked to think. For whom she'd give her hands just to bring back this bitch who left Raf in such a state.

It was wrong, so wrong... but Miko hoped that Lisa was burning in the deepest pits of hell for shredding little Raf's heart and stomping on it to boot.

 

 

In the parking lot far from the gathering of mourning humans, Bulkhead, Ratchet, and Bumblebee watched three of the strongest individuals they'd ever known break down into a million pieces.

Jack's shoulders were slumped as he held Miko, who was burying her face in his chest in an attempt to distract herself from the forlorn occasion. They stood off to the side, away from the enormous Esquivel family, near where fellow classmates wiped their eyes.

It was sparkwrenchingly miserable.

In the center of the gathering stood the immediate family members of Lisanna Esquivel. In the center knelt Raf beside the filled hole.

He wasn't crying anymore, just staring at it blankly.

In Ratchet's professional medical opinion, he was having a serious glitch.

Was it just one week ago when they took a cheerful trip to a remote stretch of highway? Just one week since they took teams, Raf and Bumblebee, Ratchet and Miko, racing across bare red rock? Could this solemn, gaunt lad be the same as the vibrant, smiling creature he had become so fond of? Surely not, yet here he was, transformed beyond recognition.

He cursed all the divine powers he'd come across through the vorn they'd travelled space. No child should know loss such as this. To lose family to the opposing side. The whole situation made his tanks bubble unpleasantly. Which, now, led him to ponder Rafael's wellbeing.

That blasted journal. Whatever was written there had turned Raf's stomach so violently, and Ratchet admitted to himself that he had lost recharge over the episode. It had been so sudden, and with such agonizing force that the contents of his body had been purged. In the aftermath, the child had suffered spasms and clutched st his chest, though he denied any real feelings of pain. To say he had been worried was a severely disgusting understatement.

Ratchet had been terrified. Purging one's tanks was never a good thing. Neither were spasms, or processor glitches. It all pointed to ailment.

Whatever was in that journal would be the end of Rafael as they knew him, the medic was sure.

Ah, now the humans were moving away, proceeding towards their vehicles or the nearby building. A church, it was called.

The old Autobot commed his young friend's cellular device. It went unanswered, so he shifted his gaze back to the pile of dirt. There was Raf, still kneeling and staring at nothing.

The scene panged his spark deeply.

"Brrrrrrrr?"

"Yes, I believe you ought to."

Bumblebee shifted a bit oh his wheels, then went still. A figure exited his frame; broad shouldered, dark skinned, with bright blue eyes. The solid light projection made his way to comfort Rafael, but even when a gentle hand was placed over his shoulder the boy did not respond. Ratchet watched as he shook a bit, but still no reaction from his charge.

Ratchet became uneasy. The adults were quite far and paid no heed to their mourning compatriot. It wasn't right. A child should not be left behind, alone, to mourn his closest companion.

"Bumblebee," he commed, "does he require assistance?"

"Beep. Beep zooooot -- brrt."

Catatonic. A grisly thing to be. Alive, but not living.

Raf did indeed resemble such a state of being. Ratchet wanted to purge his own tanks at the thought.

"Stay with him, Bumblebee. I'll be right there."

"Boop."

Next, he whispered to Bulkhead. "Im going over there."

"Me too, Doc."

Ratchet ignored the name in favor of his objective. His solid light form was stocky, well built, and had a white coat. Bulkhead came up next to him, even stockier and dark skinned like Bee, in military camouflage. Both intimidating figures cut they path and knelt next to Bee and Raf, and the group shared a group hug.

They all sniffled and cried.

 

 

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy..."

Raf would admit he was addicted to his laptop. Now, though, he had a legitimate reason.

"...when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you."

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

Lisa sang to him one last time, recorded footage when she'd driven him to Jasper High that first day.

He sang back.

And then he stared at the screen while she laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt the loves I love. Irl and in fic?


	6. I Was Never Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I've had a bad time, but please love my baby girl.

Base was quiet. Same old pipes, same lights, same 'bots. Same air, too, only thicker. It was filled with tension.

Raf was very sick.

Very sick.

Miko was very scared for her friend. Immediately after the memorial, he hadn't said a single word, hadn't attended school, and hadn't come to visit the Autobots. Instead, he stayed home and became a recluse. His parents had tried getting him out with her and Jack, but he refused everytime.

At first everyone hoped some solitude would heal.

At first, it seemed that way. He smiled at the Twins more often. His interest in mechanics reappeared, as well as his desire to research code. He had visited Omega-1 too, and attended movie nights there, slept over on a couple weekends. Raf looked like he was getting better. He seemed like he was moving on.

But then he began to have nightmares.

Late at night, a weekend the children had slept over on base, he had laid down to sleep after reading through Lisa's journal. Ratchet had told him he shouldn't. It would bring back the ache. But Rafael possessed a stubborn streak and flipped through it anyway. While Jack and Miko went to the old barracks within the silo, he had stayed up with Optimus, who was on nighttime monitor duty.

No one knew what happened, since they all had been asleep that night. But whatever Lisa had written about turned Raf's mind inside out. His stomach too, it seemed.

Now a gaunt, pale, dead-eyed ghost had taken Raf's body. He had feverish, frightening dreams, so vivid he would stare at whoever was in the room and wail for Lisanna. His stomach couldn't take much without regurgitating, and walking was not an option. Night terrors and nightmares plagued his sleep. Hallucinations and weariness plagued every waking hour. Jack had tried to find the journal, but it was hidden.

Ratchet and Bumblebee were on their wits end with worry.

Optimus' shoulders slumped in what Miko could only describe as defeat.

Arcee and Jack either secluded themselves, or were hardly seen, on base.

June was repeatedly consulted by the Esquivel family, but she repeatedly told them she was a physical trauma nurse.

Bulkhead didn't know what to do with his own melancholy.

And Miko?

Miko was feeling everyone's pain.

Arcee often sat next to her on top of the base, watching the sun set and talking out her issues. The Dynamic Duo was having some internal conflict between human and Cybertronian, and while Jack spoke of it to his mom or Optimus, Arcee only ever talked to Miko. She knew all of their spats, knew how Arcee felt and how her emotions worked. She understood the ruthlessness inside her, and the reasons for it's existence. Miko could predict how her confidant would react to any situation now, just from listening to her break down. She could tell if something was up just as well as Jack. She was close with Arcee.

Bumblebee also talked with her, sort of. He texted her through his comm-link and relayed all his worries about his charge. Apparently, Cybertronians didn't dream, but suffered recharge fluxes that disturbed their slumber. Bee was dealing with some very depressing fluxes, as well as every waking moment that Raf wasted away in bed. The two young ones were like brothers, closer even, if that is possible. Miko was pained, so pained, for Bumblebee. His spark was broken over the recent turn of events. Even trying to lay his burdens down on her to share, he said he felt as though half of his being was being pummeled into the dirt. Miko didn't know what to do except listen and try her darndest to give advice to her friend's aching brother.

Once, late one night (for it seemed everything happened at night now with Raf gon-- er, not around) Miko had asked to stay over so Bee could have a companion. Bulkhead had stared at her for a while, then glanced furtively at Bee before leaving for his quarters. She didn't think anything of it, and went to the top so she could call her host parents.

With an okay from them, she asked Bee if he wanted to drive her home to grab her overnight bag. The yellow scout hadn't bleeped a thing, just transformed and opened his door wing for her. As Miko climbed in, she just caught Arcee and Jack exchanging glances. It made her feel like the whole base was staring at her.

It made her feel kind of anxious.

She wouldn't dare let that show, though, and as soon as Bumblebee was speeding toward Jasper she began her usual gossip tirade.

Two hours later, Miko found herself laying on the ugly divan listening to Bumblebee play the racing game by himself.

Base was quiet except for his vocalizer, the in-game audio, and the pipes. Technically Bee was on monitor duty, but Arcee was leaning on the console watching them in his place. Bulk was nowhere to be seen.

Miko ached for her closest companion, but he'd cited the need for recharge and Miko didn't want to take that away from the old Wrecker. She knew when to stop.

She also ached to join Bee in his game but it was their thing. His and Raf's. How could she bring herself to intrude, as if she was enough to fill the void, especially when Bumblebee hadn't asked her.

Oh well. She'd have to try. Trying and failing is better than never trying at all.

Miko nudged her bare toes against yellow plating, grabbing Bee's attention. "Wanna go one on one, Butterfly?"

And to her surprise, Bumblebee eagerly tossed her a controller.

"Alright! I'm gonna scrape you across the asphalt and put you in the blender, scout boy!"

"Vnnn beep beep brrrrrrrrrt!"

"Arcee, is he threatening me?"

"Oh yeah, you gonna take that, Miko? He just called you a platingless organic meat sack, with no honor!"

"What's that, little bug? We'll see who's platingless! Bring it!"

"Blrrrrrrrp!"  
   
After a record two rounds, it was declared that Miko was the winner. The giant scrap metal controller for Bee had somehow made its way across the hangar. Probably courtesy of Bee in a heated rage quit. And Arcee was laughing her aft off in the corner at the scout's precious, angry pouty face, while Miko lounged on the divan with all the grace of a victor.

"What was that about platingless?"

"Beep."

"He says he resents that."

"I resent that rage quit."

"Beep."

"Ha! Oh Bumblebee..."

"What?"

"Bleep."

"Aw, what a cute little face! 'Cee look!"

"Aw."

"Bleep!"

"Okay, okay, we'll relax." Arcee acquiesced to his pleas.

Miko nudged him with her toes again, digging into the narrow seams of his arm. "Sorry for the teasing, Bee. You're just so expressive."

Bumblebee cycled his optics and examined one of the couches. Picking it up, flipping it around in his hands, tossing it in the air and catching it. He was thinking  about her words, rolling them in his processor. Expressive, huh? What a way to describe him.

"Are you not?"

Miko voiced the question as if she had heard his thoughts.

"You really are, though. Your face, and your hand gestures, body language. Everything thing about you speaks for you. Like right now, you were thinking. Really thinking. I could tell." Her smile showed teeth.

Arcee nodded. "You talk a lot. You're a chatterbox."

Bee's optics cycled again like a blink, stunned at each observation.  Miko giggled at the face. "See! Right there! Right in your face, and your arms halfway up in a... kinda almost shrug." For the love of Lucy, it was incredibly comical to see Bee flail around trying to contain himself.

"You're a cool dude, you know that Bee? I think that's what Raf sees in you. That you're yourself no matter what."

Bumblebee put the couch down, sat down on the cubes from a week ago, and bleeped softly. Miko knew enough to understand a shy 'thank you' when she heard one

Arcee chuckled, "Just another day on base, I guess."

\---

After school, Miko waited for Bulkhead out front. Jack got picked up by Arcee, and Miko was alone. As the last stragglers left the premises, the girl squinted down the street that lead to Main. Bulkhead should be showing up soon. He knew she hadn't been thrown into detention for dress code today, so what was the big deal?

She called right before Jack and Arcee disappeared completely from sight, wondering if her own guardian was out on a mission, or scouting for energon. It wasn't the first time, but then usually Ratchet or Optimus was there to give her a ride.

This time, however, there was no one there for her.

How fishy.

Her sketchbook could only hold so many doodles, and eventually she quit in order to save the last few pages. Bulk was nowhere to be seen.

She snatched her phone up from the ledge and dialed Nurse Darby. Maybe she had a clue, and could possibly give her a ride. Or something. Maybe.

Of course, because June was at work, Miko got directed straight to voicemail. So she called Ratchet. Next best thing.

And of course, the medic answered almost immediately.

"Miko?"

"Hey Doc Bot! Is Bulkhead out or something. I've been waiting, and I guess he just forgot to say something?"

The line was silent for a second, and then Ratchet's own confusion bled through his comm. "No, he's right here, actually. I wondered if you were in detention again." Off the line but still audible to her, he whispered angrily, "Bulkhead, are you two fighting? Because you better mech up and fix things right now!"

"Doc?"

"Don't call me Doc. Er, one moment, if you will." Again, off-line, "Have you been ignoring her hails!?" Silence. "Well! I never..."

Miko wasn't dumb. "Is Bulk mad at me?"

"If he is," Miko predicted he was glaring at her guardian, "he still needs to pick you up, as are his duties as assigned guardian and as your friend!"

"Okay, I guess I'll call him then."

"Miko?" The sickeningly sweet tone was so impossibly alien that her mouth refused to form words. "Please talk to Bulkhead."

"Uh, okay?"

Click.

That was weird, to say the least. Miko hesitantly dialed up her companion, but then suddenly an image of him squinting at Bumblebee sprang into her mind. Another, of Bulkhead trudging away as she set up her sleepover with Bee. And another, of Bulkhead barely speaking to her yesterday. And Miko got a dreadful feeling in her gut that maybe she's been making some rather cringey mistakes.

So she didn't call Bulkhead. She just packed up her sketchbook and walked home.

At least her host parents were happy she didn't stay out too late.

\---

Base was quiet.

Ratchet had gotten so used to having loud screech music blasting from a certain girl's ear buds, and having argument after argument with her, that the moment she wasn't there, everything seemed rather colorless. Jack was in the back with Arcee drawing out some sort of building plan for a hover board 2.0, and Raf... was still sick.

His spark was torn in two.

In three, actually, because Bulkhead had taken a piece with his growled words that afternoon.

If she needs a ride, why doesn't she call Bee?

Ah. That. The heart of the issue. An issue which Ratchet felt he shouldn't have to deal with but apparently would anyway.

He could say Miko made it worse by not asking her friend for a ride, but he knew that was stretching it. No doubt she could sense the tension, or even had heard the low voiced grumble over the line. If that was the case, the medic would throw a thousand tools at Bulkhead and then weld him to the wall upside down. And them give him a piece of his processor for letting the situation get so out of hand when there was a whole base of people he could have talked with. Namely, Miko. Especially Miko. Because dammit, Miko was the best person to talk to!

Bulkhead had missed out on something spectacular.

All because of a misunderstanding.

"Primus, take my wrath," he whispered into the quiet. Even those damn sparking light bulbs way above his helm were making him twitch.

At this rate, the base would be empty while everyone went on patrol for no reason. And Ratchet would be left to his thoughts and his anger. And his fears, his fuel-curdling, recharge flux causing, fears.

Ratchet can't handle everything.

"Oh Raf... Oh my dear little bug."

And, at long last, the lights burned out above him. All was left in the neon glow of monitors and backlighting from down the hallway.

But somehow, Ratchet felt like it was a message. An ominous one.

\--

Miko stayed home. Her host parents went to work, leaving her alone in the house with instructions to not leave the town, not play with fire, and to stop bothering Nurse Darby with strange biological queries. Thus, Miko found herself sitting in the living room ripping pages out of her sketchbook and making paper airplanes. Each soft thwoosh through the air landed them perfectly at the tiny origami woman she'd made.

Miko mentally named her Lisanna.

The pilot in the planes she named Silas.

And if she thought about it hard enough, she could hear screaming and explosions every time the planes crashed.

BOOM! CLASH!

She threw another one.

BOOM! CLASH!

Down went Lisa.

BOOM! CLASH!

Adios, Silas.

BOOM! CLA--

Her phone was ringing. For some unknown reason, Miko felt as though the sounds were rather frantic. Rather... desperate. It was the exact same ringtone she'd always had but she really needed to answer it this time.

She dove for her phone, and lo and behold...

Raf.

In half a second she was answering the call. "Raf!? What's up dude!?"

"H-hey." His voice was unrecognizable. Raspy, grey sounding, and softer than usual. Dead. "I'm feeling better, but I heard you stayed home too. Wanna come over?"

Raspy. Strange. It couldn't be him, but it could only be him. Her close friend, the brother she didn't have until they met the Autobots. That voice made her want to cry with tears of joy. In fact, when did her cheeks become so wet? He was a whole part of her. A part of the team. He was family. And the sheepish rasp didn't matter.

Raf's voice was music to her ears, coughing and all.

"I'll be there in five."

Miko had never sprinted so hard in all her life. And when she got to the little house down Main, after two lefts, a right on Alamo Drive, and across the unfinished construction site, once she slammed open the front door, apologized profusely to Mrs. Esquivel, and took the offered cup of water, she laid eyes on the most beautiful thing.

Raf, sitting up in bed, smiling at her.

There must be a God, because Raf was here, awake, and quite lucid. And nothing felt better than the shakily sunny smile they shared before breaking down into sobs.


	7. Wondering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos will be fixed, never fear.
> 
> And I am back into a valley, so expect this to get updates a tad more often now. Just a tad.

Gravel crunched under the thick soles of her boots. The heat was near unbearable in this country -- well, this part of it. When she'd applied for exchange studentdom, visions of glorious cities or sweet small towns had filled her mind. Would she end up in a shared apartment in a thriving downtown? Or in a quaint family home on a darling farm? Maybe she would be popular and go to parties every weekend. Maybe she'd be the classic underdog no one spoke to. Hell, maybe she'd rule the school! This is America, she could be anything!

Apparently, anything also included "saddled with an alien robotic life-form guardian and cooped up in a missle silo every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoon."

Not that she was complaining.

Well, maybe just a little. The charm had worn off now, and reality was setting in. Through all the awesomeness and stories of other planets and civilizations, she was beginning to understand just what she had invited herself into. Civil war. Interplanetary war. Hate between brother's, friends, while families. Factions and sides and death. Lots of death.

There were plenty of stories told (particularly by Bulk or Ratchet) of friends and comrades "back on Cybertron" or on some equally distant planet, where they had lived or battled or drank themselves silly. Stories of glory, sorrow, love and friendship passed through her ears daily. She knew of wonderous civilizations and the most bitter defeats. But each tale usually ended with something like, "and that's the last I ever heard from them" or "then their ship went down."

Miko's least favorite was, "They're gone now."

As if they'd disappeared off the face of the entire universe.

She was beginning to understand that that was a probable possibility.

Most likely, in fact.

The thought tasted bad.

But in the here and now, their numbers were growing. That in itself was something to celebrate -- and they did! Wheeljack had been rather adamant that they hold a party for himself, and of course, most of the base was in agreement. No matter what anyone else (cough Ratchet cough) said, not all the decisions were made by Optimus. Thus, they had a seven to two vote, in favor of a party.

Everyone was shocked Raf had voted against.

"What's with you, dude? Party too wild this time around?" Never let it be said she didn't try.

His complexion was still looking kind of pale, though.

"Not really, Miko. But don't stop on my account! I'll just head home for the night." He fingered that journal's cover. Er... I have some reading to do."

And just like that, he was whisked away by Bumblebee all the way home to make himself crazy over his bitch of a sister and her stupid diary. He'd probably cry again, then come to school with stolen antidepressants in his pockets. Again. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

If there was ever anyone Miko hated more than Lisanna, she had yet to meet them.

Later that evening she drowned herself in the party, plugging in her guitar and hoping that maybe this time she'd blast her own eardrums to kingdom come.

 

* * *

 

It didn't really feel like she was helping. Not at all. He still floated around like a sullen ghost. His smiles were watery and pale lipped. He came to school wearing her old t-shirts a couple of times. And that diary was still in his backpack, dented from it's travels over the railing in fits of anger. One minute Raf would be fine, the next second he'd be staring off into some secondary dimension where Lisa was probably still alive and not part of some evil scheme.

His appetite was good. Goodness, he are like he hadn't eaten well in two weeks... oh, well. Ahem.

Miko revised her thoughts delicately.

He eats well.

There, that sounded better. Hit farther from home too.

She eyed the journal sticking out of Raf's bag. He didn't read it much anymore, had most likely already finished it by now. But boy did he looked sad.

Maybe...

No.

No, that's called stealing. And snooping.

But....

But really, what would it hurt...? Who would it hurt?

Raf. That's who.

Miko warred with herself quietly, and Bulkhead watched her from across base. She watched him watch her out of the corner of her eyes, and he watched her brain tick and the cogs spin.

 

* * *

 

 

"Meeks."

She jumped at the warm nickname.

"What up, Bulk?"

God, they hadn't spoken in a long time. It was strange to talk now, but also strange to think that this was the most they'd said to each other for a while.

"I can hear you planning something from across the country, kid."

"And?" she replied smoothly.

Bulkhead leaned in close to the platform. "I want in. Let's find out what's in that journal."

Miko blinked.

And then she smiled.

"Let's go, partner."


	8. And That's the Tea

“In the grand scheme of things, finding out your sister is your mother is not really a huge deal.

“I mean, for starters, there is an eons-long war between two factions of robotic organisms hailing from an alien planet happening right now. Families have been torn apart, friends have become enemies, and their race is on the verge of extinction. They came to Earth in the first place only because they found ancient deposits of energon -- their main source of…everything -- buried in the crust.

“Secondly, above mentioned mother-sister has been murdered by an unknown faction of our own government (not that they're telling us civilians that.) Although the official story is that she was working on an illegal artificial intelligence project with a known anarchist group and was regretfully terminated on scene, the reality is not that at all. Let it be known that we have her personal journal on hand, where she had written of separatists who coveted her work and previously attempted to murder her. She was not ‘regretfully terminated on scene’ in a raid by the government. She was murdered by them. There's a difference.

“Third, I'm sick and I don't want to deal with this. That's it.

“So as you can see, finding out your sister is your mother is not that huge a deal. I don't want it to be. I just want Lisa to be Lisa, no one else.

“But the more I read her journal, and the more I think back to our lives, I realize that this whole time, she's been both mother and sister since the day I was born. She bathed me, changed my pampers, took those embarrassing naked baby pictures of me and had them developed. She dressed me, and played with me, bought my first pair of glasses, and potty-trained me. When I took my first steps, it was Lisa who recorded it. When I had tantrums, Lisa was always the one who took me aside a put the fear of God in my bones. She yelled at me, laughed at me, cried for me.

“My whole life is her. Was her. And now that she's gone, I remember all of the ways that she loved me.

“I can't imagine what it felt like to not be married but have a kid. And she kept me. And she raised me. She taught me, and showed me why math is awesome. She showed me mechanics and the hard sciences and everything she loved so dearly, all the while never disregarding my desires to choose a path a bit different than her own. Never once did I ever feel as though I’d failed her.

“Except now.

“I guess there’s nothing else to say. Lisa, we miss you. The Twins are graduating and rented an apartment. Hector finally proposed to Madeline, and I hope their kids have blue eyes like her. Mamí and Papí sold the house and are leaving me here with the Twins so they can move out to L.A.

“As for me… well, I’m surviving. I just wish I had thought to tell you about my own best kept secret. His name is Bumblebee, and the two of you would have gotten along.

“That’s all for now. I’ll come back. One day. Maybe. I can’t stomach you right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooh an update. And I'm not even depressed. *Ripley voice* "It's a goddamn miracle."

**Author's Note:**

> This goes out to:
> 
> Myself first, because some days I just need to be my own first priority 
> 
> Them, because I love them but they don't love me the same amount in return
> 
> And to you, because I have no idea what your name is but you are important, and loved, and incredibly fantastic, and we all need to hear how irreplaceable we are
> 
> \-- Dips/Shortfry


End file.
